Stories from the 78 Stories from the 78
Go Back

An American Love Story Born Out Of World War II

5/28/2023

BRIGHTON PARK:

“Grandpa was the most wonderful man, a good father. I just couldn’t say enough for” him’ “I miss togetherness, being with him, dinners with him, vacations, living with each other” – Grandma said.

I asked her how she wanted us to remember her, and what did she want to be her legacy – she said to “be good to one another, love each other and keep the family together. You only have one life, live it…be happy.”

Grandma being grandma, kept asking Grandpa “what was he doing here?” “For crying out load Harriet, you always say I never come and visit, we’ll I’m here now and it’s time go.” “Right now? But my hair…it’s not done, I can’t leave.” “I need to go to the beauty shop” Grandpa, being the gentleman that he was said: “Harriet, you’re perfect.”

“You are perfect the way you are, look at yourself. It’s time to go.” She smiled at my grandpa, realizing what had just happened, and took his hand and they left.

My dad received that gift in a dream the night she passed. That was the ending of a journey that lasted 97 years for my grandma…and sums up the power couple that is Harriet and Mike Barnas. That’s right, we had a power couple right here in the Barnas family.

Where to begin when talking about a woman like my Grandma? She touched the lives of so many. I don’t think she even knew. In our family, we have a saying, sometimes a term of endearment and sometimes it’s being a bit of smart aleck. Either way, it seems to cover exactly who Gram was to us – she’s a total deep.

She was wife to Mike, mom to Tom and Judy, Aunt Harriet, Harriet to her friends, and grandma and great-grandma. She was the matriarch of our family. Harriet Barnas, a true south sider from Brighton Park. Part of a gaggle of kids, led by Anna and Peter Laniewski.

A brady bunch of sorts: Helen, Harriet, Lorraine, Theresa, Virgy, Tony, Bob, and Leonard.

Being part of such a big family shaped my grandma in her early years, giving her the tools to become the amazing woman, she would go on to be Harriet Barnas – south side strong. Having the perfect recipe to get to 97 years on this planet. Cutting her teeth while growing up in Brighton Park, coming from a big family in the middle of the great depression had all the necessary ingredients to shape who she was.

She was a leader, had grit, and honesty, spoke her mind, and had strong character, and empathy.

She loved. Loved harder than anyone else I’ve ever met in my life. I think it’s her most admirable quality. Gram loved to read, going out to dinner, (she loved a good patty melt) going to the show, the movies, bunko club, travel with grandpa around the country and her later years with Aunt Lorraine and Aunt Steve. She taught all of us to stand up for ourselves, and “for crying out loud” not to take any crap from anyone. She made us strong; she made us feel proud of who we are, and she loved us. She taught us how to love one another…

You felt her love every time you talked to her. With the “hi sweetie” that greeted you right after her famous “hello” – you could tell grandma anything. She was never afraid to give her honest opinion but did so in the most non-judgmental way and always with unconditional love.

She just wanted the best for us. And we knew that it was just her way. She was the kind of person who never forgot a birthday, Halloween, Easter, or Valentine’s Day; she was in that grandma’s way with her famous $5 dollars in each of those cards, always starting it off with her signature - “hi sweetie.” Ending the card with, “Love grandma.”

She bought all of us our first communion outfits. Taking us shopping and making us try on every outfit until we found the perfect one. She told my mom that she wanted to do it, and she would insist on it. When grandma insisted on something, you just moved out of her way, and let her do what she wanted to do. Grandma was full of life she always loved a good party, graduations, and holidays, especially Easter.

Grandma always hosted easter when we were kids, even in her later years when she couldn’t host at her house, she hosted it at my mom and dad’s, welcoming anyone to our family. I’m talking about friends, boyfriends, and girlfriends of years past. She has had something for them, a small gift of some kind making them feel welcome in our family.

I’ll always remember my friends and “lady friends” as Gram liked to call them, saying that they loved our family and said our grandma was “wonderful.”

I’ll always remember Grandma babysitting us when we were kids. I remember one time when my mom and dad were away on a trip. Grandma came over (and when grandma came over to babysit it was always an event of sorts) she always has the heir about her.

Anyway – gram went all the trouble to make steaks for us kids or let’s be honest-gram wanted steaks. So, steaks were on the menu for the evening. She finished them up, and set them down on the counter to check on something with my brothers and I. Then — I remember her yelling as about as loud as I’ve ever heard her yell - “What the heck” – pretty sure she didn’t say heck, and then “For crying out loud, Disney!!!”

Gram made the mistake that so many others did, she left food out on the counter and Disney ate it. All 5 steaks are gone in seconds. I’ve never seen her so mad and laugh so hard all in one moment. I wasn’t sure Disney would make it out of that mess…he was her arch-nemesis.

She was always comforting; she was peaceful, and she was compassionate. She made me strong by her leading example, she made me want to do better, to be better. To be the best version of myself. I just wanted to make her proud. I’ll love her and I’ll tell her that when I see her again.

I’m not sure there are words in the English language to describe what an honor it is to be a grandchild of Harriet and Mike Barnas. All of us kids feel the same way, an unspoken bond that unites us all. It’s like this vale of protection over us, keeping us connected through the strands of time. While incredibly sad that she’s gone, it makes me feel so happy that after 36 years they are finally united. Their love is a once in a generational kind of love.

I’m going to leave you with a story that my grandma told me in her own words, I sat down with her a couple of years back to ask her because I thought it was important for all of us to know, it’s the story of how they met.

They met in the spring of 1941 at a place that used to be at 38th and Kedzie – a place called Spiders. (it was a big band club back in the 40s that had dances on the weekends) it was the place to go back then.

Grandma and her two sisters, Lorraine, and Helen put on their dancing shoes for the night and headed to the club. Grandma said a guy was bothering her to dance. “He was drunk, drunker thank a skunk. He kept at it, begging her to dance. She told this guy “You’re so damn drunk, you’re going to knock me over.”

Grandma noticed Grandpa, sitting there, passively observing…grandma told him to get rid of this guy and asked Grandpa to dance. That’s the moment, that magic moment…the once-in-generational kind of love was about to be born.

Grandma told me that they met up in groups with each other for the next couple of months at an old stomping ground called “jumbo huts” for ice cream. It was Grandma and her sisters and friends and Grandpa with his brothers and friends.

I asked why Grampa didn’t ask her on a proper date. She said he had no money, Grandpa had been working since he was a teenager, helping to support his family by giving his checks to Grandma Barnas.

Finally – Grandpa got enough nerve (and money) to ask Grandma out on a date. They set a date for the 4th of July. Grandma said she was so excited to finally have Mike all to herself she said - and then Grandpa called to break it of.

He had a good excuse though, he was drafted by the army, leaving for basic training in Ft. Sheridan on the 4th of July.

That didn’t stop them…

They dated as couples did back then, with phone calls and letters for over a year. The army furloughed Grandpa at Christmas in 1942, he went to Grandpa Laniewski and asked for permission to marry Grandma. Grandpa Laniewski said yes, but only engagement since grandpa was in the service, he didn’t want grandma to be widowed…she’s too young.”

That didn’t stop them…

Grandma told me that both Grandpa and Uncle Louie proposed on the same day – they both went out together to get the ring sets. Grandma said that she didn’t remember him getting on bended knee, rather he handed her the ring and said, “I love you, and I want to marry you.”

The war marched on and in April of 1943, Grandpa wrote Grandma a letter, asking for her to marry him before he was to be shipped overseas. Grandma said yes, giving her about two weeks to get her gown, flowers, church, and Wedding ready. I said wait a minute! What changed your dad’s mind? Grandma smiled with that million-watt smile and said – “there was nothing he can do.”

Two weeks later, Grandpa came back on special leave to Chicago to marry my grandma on the first of May 1943 at a church on 41st and Kedzie. “There were no men that stood up in the wedding, it was all ladies since all the fellas were in the service.”

Gram told me after the wedding she moved to California to San Obispo, just outside of Grandpa’s army base and that’s how they began their marriage. She lived in an apartment while Grandpa live on base. On the weekends Grandpa would be able to stay the night for the two days on the weekend. It was that way till he was shipped off to war a couple of months later.

She mentioned a fond memory of a big going away party before sending all the troops to fight. Bob Hope was the host, after that night Grandpa was shipped out to the south pacific.

That didn’t stop them.

In all Grandma and Grandpa spent about 6 months together in the first 3 years, they knew each other until Grandpa came home for good in the summer of 1944. Then — they made a life, they raised a family, they traveled, and they loved each other. They loved their kids, grandkids nieces and nephews, and through grandma, their great-grandkids.

Nothing stopped them, even in death, we all felt Grandpa’s love, and now we feel their united love, watching over us from the stars above. Through our tears we smile, not because they’re gone, but how happy we are that they’re finally reunited. We smile through our tears with the memories they leave us with, the way they loved us, the way they loved each other.

“Grandpa was the most wonderful man, a good father. I just couldn’t say enough for” him’ “I miss togetherness, being with him, dinners with him, vacations, living with each other” – Grandma said.

I asked her how she wanted us to remember her by, and what did she want to be her legacy – she said to “be good to one another, love each other and keep the family together. You only have one life, live it, and be happy.”

See, that’s Grandma and Grandpa’s legacy. They leave us with love. Because that’s who they were to their very core. They loved each other, that once-in-a-generation kind of love. It’s a love that all their descendants have strived for in our everyday life.

I’m going borrow a page out of their playbook to close this out – it’s a song they used to sing to each other when they were together all those years ago and sing again up above. If you know the words, sing along:

“You are my sunshine.

My only sunshine

You make me happy when the skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear – how much I love you.

Please don’t take — my sunshine away…”

Until we meet again Grandma and Grandpa.

We love you, always and forever.

- Your Legacy

For more Stories From The 78, follow @tombarnas78 on Instagram and @storiesfromthe78 on TikTok.